Saturdays

Today is Saturday. I love Saturdays. Saturdays are the only days that I feel like I am not getting behind. Losing ground in life. Not getting behind like I have all these emails to respond to or reports to write or even presentations to get ready. I mean like other Dads. They are staying home for the most part, and mowing the lawn or going to the zoo. Most of the time I work and try to make a little extra money. During the week however, all the other Dads have these great careers and are working towards this awesome retirement. They have their shit together. You know what I have for retirement? Nothing. Not a damn thing. I used to have a small 401k but I had to spend it after my first stint in rehab.
Two Thursdays ago, so I guess about nine days ago I got laid off my job. I actually loved my job. I was basically an outside salesman for a Service and Repair Electrical company. That meant that I would go around and meet people at lighting stores or hot tub stores and try to get them to refer our company when they made a sale. When they did refer us, I would reward them. I would take them tickets to movies or dinner, sometimes I would take them golfing or to lunch. It was awesome. I was good at it. I was finding new people all the time. What I would do was concentrate on one type of client at a time. For instance, I would call or visit all of the Property Management companies I could find and try to get new clients. The rest of my time was spent keeping the existing clients happy. I did trade shows and even traveled to St. Louis for training a couple times a year. Everything was great except for one thing. I was extremely addicted to Oxycontin. Most people won't even believe me when I tell them how much I was taking. However, I was getting every bit of it from a doctor. Random drug testing was so stressful. I can't even tell you.
I have been out of work for six working days. If I was still on OC I think I would still be employed and my old comp would still be kicking ass. As it is they are hurting. I admit it. When I tried to get off the drugs my work suffered. I sucked. As I was trying to figure out how to quit it was evident that I needed a doctors help and I needed to continue to work. while I was looking for dr.s I literally had to take my prescription bottles to get the dr. to believe what my daily doses were. We finally found a doc who would help. He would put me on a drug called Suboxone. It would take the place of the drugs. Once we got to his office he couldn't believe the amounts either. It would take some stepping down to get to the point that I could start on the Suboxone. I remember being so excited. I was still going to be able do OC's. Not the case. He put me on huge doses of Morphine. At first I was taking one, 200mg capsule 7-9 times a day. Plus, four 30mg oxycodone tablets a day, 60 mg of Cymbalta per day, Ambien, Kadien, Klonodine, and a bunch of others I can't even remember. I felt like shit. I wasn't really jonesing, but I wasn't myself. I no that no one agrees with me. but when I was on the OC, I was myself. I had taken it for so long that I think that my body just got used to having it in it's system. Not until I switched meds did I feel like an addict.
As far as how do I feel today. It's not good. I always have kind of a haze over my brain. I usually have a little headache.
Well I have to go now. I will finish later or tomorrow.
later.