Day 2

Today was the second day of my job training. The church has a good program. today seemed to be more helpful. They taught us "Power Statements" during class today. In fact, we spent most of the class on it. The whole thing seems so Narcicistic, or however you spell it. I thought that was a bad thing. Everything it "I" and "I can" it just seems weird that this stuff is what potential employers really want to hear. I know that I am not even close to an expert. I have never even really been through this process before. Now that I think about it, I really never have interviewed for a job before. It really makes me want to be self employed again. When I think of the prospect of not only finding a job, but then keeping a job while feeling like shit it makes me want to throw up. Can I do it? How long will it last? What will happen to me? Why can't I just get hurt real bad at work and collect workers comp for the rest of my life? Or sue somebody for millions of dollars? It works for some people. I know that I am stuck with a life of working. Oh well, that is the hand I have been dealt. Now I have to deal with it.
It's strange that I come from the same gene pool as my siblings. They are all so smart and successful. Everyone of them has a college degree and most of them a graduate degree. I worked as an electrician for about seventeen years. That is something that my brothers and sisters never would have considered doing in a million years. We are an educated family, except me. We are a very spiritual family, except me.
All my siblings, with the exception of one sister served missions. That is four sisters and two brothers that served missions. I know that my twin brother who didn't live long enough to would have served a successful mission. I don't hate my siblings for that, I am proud of that. I am proud to come from where I come from. I just don't get it. Why did I end up like this. Why me. Why am I so different. I was raised the same as them.
It is intellectually intimidating to be around my family. I know that my wife has a hard time with it. She is scared to play games with them. Her family was quite different than mine. Education and Church wasn't stressed so much to the girls. Their focus was cooking and nurturing, stuff like that. I guess every family is different. I always wonder what my children see in the two families. The differences, the similarities, which they think will lead to happiness. I tell them that each person has to find their own way. but I also tell them that I wish I would have done things much different.
The only important thing right now is finding a job. I can probably wait to worry about keeping a job until I have one. That's just how I am. Like my mother, I am a worrier. I have been through many sleepless nights. Starting a new job will surely lead to another one
well I have got to go search for a job now,
later.