The Deer Hunt

When I was in High School I think I was like most teenagers. Go to school, go to church,maybe some extra-curricular activities after school. But the most important thing at that age is friends. I see it in my kids. My oldest daughter went through it when she was in school and now my middle daughter seems to focus all her attention on her friends and "hanging out". So I understand. I am even okay with it if they have good friends and I think at this point they do. With my oldest daughter it was tough. I remember the feelings of always wondering why she never wants to be home or with her family. It has really made it easier with my next daughter. I love it when I tell them "Believe me, I have been through all this stuff you are going through. I can remember what it is like". They look at me like a total alien. Man that makes me feel old.
I thought I had a real great group of friends in High School. They were so important to me and I thought that we would all be so close all of our lives. Well it hasn't worked out that way, which I have learned is much more common than I thought. I remain close with two friends. One I consider my "Best Friend" and the other I kind of think of more like a brother. I love both of them, but I seem to get into trouble with the "Best Friend" quite a bit. Or atleast everyone says so. His name is Brian and we are probably better for each other than our friends and family think. I will admit I have gotten in some trouble when I was with Brian but my hardcore drug use had nothing to do with him. The times that I have reached real lows in my life on account of the addiction I was a loner to be sure. In fact, I would purposely avoid both of my friends, Brian and my "brother" friend Doug. It is hard to have people who you respect and care about see you so vulnerable and messed up. I ignored a lot of voice mails in those days, from friends and family.
Before I entered my first rehab, in fact before my addiction became a real problem I recall a time that Brian and I were planning to go deer hunting. It would have been our third year in a row going together, just the two of us. The first year we went together we both got a deer and to be honest I really had no desire to shoot another one. The next year the deer hunt was around 6 months after I started my business and I was doing well financially. The morning of the hunt I went to the nearest Honda dealership and bought a brand new 4-wheeler for the hunt. That year we were hunting near Logan Utah. The first year we had really gone all out. We went scouting for deer and we camped way up in the mountains right in the thick of things. So the second year we decided to get a hotel room in Logan and maybe take it a little easy. We basically got up in the morning and rode ATV's around the hills for awhile. Around 4 p.m. we would load up, head back to the room, get a shower and go to a nice restaurant for dinner. The first year we were in tents, up at 5:30 a.m. in our predetermined hunting spots. Then we hunted all day long and cooked our dinner over the fire at night. The second year we didn't even leave the hotel in the morning until after 9:30 a.m. We were not going to shoot any more bucks and that was alright with us. We were just having some fun. We were mixing a lot more drinking and taking drugs into our hunting experience. I don't think either of us really wanted to shoot another deer since we had both bagged bucks in the past and it is a lot of work.
So the third year in a row we are getting ready for the hunt. The only deer tags from the state left were in the North portion of the state. We wanted to go South. We decided we would go as far south as we could and still stay in the zone our permits allowed. Somehow we both ended up bringing our golf clubs and golf clothes. I don't think I even took a rifle. Brian picked me up and we loaded my 4-wheeler along side his and threw some token camping gear on the trailer.
We headed down I-15 headed South. We got to Nephi and decided to go West into the mountains and check for any signs of good deer hunting. As we got up the canyon we found a nice looking dirt road heading back to the North. The road was leading us up into real nice deer country, after about 6 miles on the dirt road I said, kind of as a conversation starter, "you know B, I really have no desire to shoot a deer this year". He slammed on the brakes. "I don't either", he responded and it took us about 30 seconds to decide where to go. Las Vegas. A little golf a little gambling and free drinks. Sounds like my kind of hunting. Both of our families thought we were out camping in a tent in the mountain and hiking in the wilderness looking for Bambi. Actually we were having quite a nice little vacation in Nevada living the good life. It was awesome.
That same week my nephew was playing in the Utah High School football playoffs. His team was playing a school from St. George Utah. St. George is approximately an hour and a half North of Vegas and about thirty minutes North of Mesquite, Nevada. I had no idea but my sister was unable to obtain a room in St. George because it was so crowded there that weekend. So Karen, my sister and her family ended up getting a room in nearby Mesquite. Karen is my oldest sister and I feel a kindred spirit to me. I know she had her moments while growing up, in a good Mormon house hold. The rest of our sibling were really focused on the church and excelled in school. Karen was no where close to the level I was but I always felt she kind of knew what I was thinking or doing. She is really close to the Lord and has a strong testimony of the Church now, but I just think she had her moments.
The second night Brian and I finished a nice round of golf. We were going to get cleaned up and go down to the casino and hit it. I suggested to Brian "You know, I never win shit in Vegas, I seem to have much better luck in Mesquite". I think Brian wanted to stay in Vegas, but he agreed and we packed up and left Las Vegas and checked into a room at the Virgin River Hotel and Casino in Mesquite, Nevada. We ate dinner in Mesquite, had a few cocktails and then hit the floor. We played a little BlackJack, then went to the Roulette wheel. At the time that was my game, I just seemed to have great luck on roulette. So I am kicking ass. I was up atleast $500 or $600, which is a lot for me because I am not a huge better. I was really getting into it. Betting more and more with each roll of the marble and drinking a lot of beer to go along with all the pills I was taking. I was ripped. Brian and I were laughing and having a great time with other players at the table. Everyone was having fun and laughing and getting real drunk.
I had a thing that I did each time while the wheel was spinning. I would look at a certain Football Helmet over at the Sportsbook and I never looked at the wheel until it stopped turning. The Sports Book was directly next to one of the main exits in and out of the Virgin River. I had just gotten another beer, Bud Light, I made my bet. I was betting very heavy at this point, I was rolling. I was playing about 10 numbers and several side of number bets plus several outside bets. The dealer spun the marble, I looked at my spot, I heard the wheel stop and the marble settle into it's number slot. I heard the other players react to the result. I went to turn my head and attention back to the table when something just barely caught my eye as I turned and I took a double take back to the exit. It was my sister and her family. My eyes went directly to hers and hers to mine. Our eyes locked for sure. There was no where to run, nowhere to hide. I was busted. Karen walked right up to the table, "Oh my gosh Sam, I thought you were deer hunting, what are you doing here?" At this point she was happy to see me. As soon as Brian saw what was going on he grabbed my beer and slid over to his other side so at the very least Karen would think it was his and hopefully not see it at all. Then it happened, she looked at the table. the smile quickly left her face and she was like "come on you guys, let's go. Right now" to her family. She was hoping they wouldn't notice exactly what was going on. I am sure I didn't look normal. She didn't even allow me to say hi to her twins, she just grabbed the girls and they were on their way to there room. Shit, I was so busted. I was totally sick to my stomach. It was bad enough that I was in Nevada gambling, but I was also drinking and basically drunk. I skipped the next couple of rolls and just sat there. Brian was asking me questions but I wasn't answering. I was trying to comprehend what had just happened and what the repercussions were going to be. I think I just kept repeating the same cuss word over and over. Brian was surely bummed out, we just had a huge damper put on our night, in fact our whole trip. I cashed my chips in and we went to the room. I needed to get high, higher. Then out of desperation, while we were in our room I called Karens room, "Hey, you didn't stay very long. Do you guys want to go bowling with us? That is what we are going to do. We don't really have anything else to do". Karen just laughed and said "No thanks"
I really can't remember if I asked her not to tell my wife or not. But she didn't until after I entered my first rehab. That was really cool of her. I think this was the point in my life where I realized that I wasn't getting my shit together like the rest of my old friends. I think I thought I was still in High School. Like everything was going to be easy and it would just happen for me. The truth is, I was already in trouble at that point.
Oh well, the things us addicts do, stupid.
Peace.