The process at Narco is pretty simple. The program consists of 8 books. After book 1 the student leaves the classroom and begins their sauna treatment. The sauna is really the cornerstone of the program. There is no preset time limit for the sauna treatment. The student is just supposed to know when they are done. I talked to students who were in the sauna for two weeks and others who's sauna treatment lasted over six weeks. I also talked to many who had major flashbacks in the sauna. They actually got high from all the toxins leaving their body. I heard a lot of stories about what happens in the sauna, who knows how many are true or not. After the sauna the student is back in the classroom to finish his or her program. If a student slipped up and got high or drunk after the sauna they would be what is called "out of ethics". In that case they would have to redo their sauna treatment and then they were on an "ethics cycle". An Ethics Cycle would basically be performing manual labor instead of going to class. The Ethics Cycle would start after the sauna was over. Usually when redoing the sauna it would only last two to three weeks at the most. Most of the time the Ethics Cycle would last twenty to forty days, depending on the violation and the students attitude and where they are in the program. If the student was on book 7 and they took off it would be a lot worse than a student on book 2.
While I was still in detox I wanted to be in the sauna so badly. They looked like they had a blast. I didn't really know what was going on at first. I just saw a small group of people that ran around in their swimming suits and were never in class. They all looked like they were really good friends and they were always running across the beach and diving into the ocean, no matter how cold it was. They were also allowed to eat first and after their day in the sauna they were allowed to just hang out and skip the night classes. A lot of the time they were the only others besides the detox gang to be hanging around in the early evenings. Narco gave the students in the sauna a very light schedule because sitting in a sauna for over six hours a day can really take a lot out of a person and they didn't want them to over do it and get sick.
As all of us in detox started book 1 it was kind of a race to get through book 1 and into the sauna. Before anyone is allowed to begin the sauna treatment they are required to go a doctor and get a complete physical. So one day towards the end of book 1 Joe the Narco driver came into the classroom and called out a bunch of names and said "meet me in 10 minutes in the alley, you are all going to the Dr. today". I was stoked, I really wanted to start the sauna and get out of the freaking classroom for a while, a long while.
The group that went to the Dr. that day was me, Jeff, Brian, Chris B., Roman, Joyce,Samantha, Lindsay,Danny from Vegas and Enrique. We drove quite a ways to get to the Dr. office. After my experience with the shitty hospital from my medical detox I was a little nervous about this Dr.'s visit. Surprisingly, the office was really nice and the Dr. seemed quite legit. He even spoke perfect English. The first thing the Doc asked was "Ok, now how many of you have Hepatitis from IV drug use?" I shit when I saw all the hands go up. I didn't know anything about that. I used the same toilet as all these people, the same shower and I was going to be sitting in the sauna with them. During my physical I asked him a lot of questions, he reassured me a little, but I was still freaking out. Especially when he told me that there is no cure for Hep C, once you get it you will always have it and it will probably be the reason you die when you die. I was still in the exam room resting from giving blood when Roman came into the room. The Dr. shit when Roman took his shirt off and he saw all the lumps on his body. Especially the one that was erupting with smelly puss and blood, it was huge, I can't even explain how big this thing was. Roman was positive for Hepatits. All of us passed the physical except for Roman and Samantha. They both had Hep C. and Samantha had some liver of kidney problems because of it. The Dr. needed to clear some of the obvious problems up on Roman before he could start the sauna. Of the 10 of us that went to the Dr.'s that day, 5 had Hepatits. In the back of the office I saw two students that I had seen at Narco but had not met. They were both getting some kind of blood treatment. The first was a guy named James Agro, everyone called him Agro. He was from Hollywood and was a big-time tweaker. He shot speed into his veins up to 5 times a day. He was young, maybe 25. Agro was tall, about 6'5", really skinny and his hair was long and it stuck straight up. He was kind of cool looking in a scarey kind of way. He was the type you would think of when you thought of young, Hollywood drug users. The other person was a young girl named Nicole. She was all over the East Coast and had been a run away for years. She used Horoine and was also a heavy IV user. She had short, jet black hair and wore a lot of black eye make-up. she dressed real crazy, lot's of camo and short skirts with combat boots and piercings all over. I found out that they were getting treatment for Hepatits and were trying to get clearance from the Dr. so they could start the sauna treatment. I thought "Great, those two are going to be in the sauna with me." I was very comfortable with the group I thought I was going to be in the sauna with, now I wasn't so sure. Those two were freaks and scared the shit out of me. I couldn't imagine the sauna with more than five people in it at a time. I wasn't sure how this was going to work but I was all consumed with worry about how my time in the sauna was going to end up and who I was going to be with. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Atleast Roman didn't pass his physical so he wouldn't be in with me. And perhaps Agro and Nicole wouldn't get healthy in time to be in the sauna with me either. I just couldn't stop worrying about it. The Hepatits thing was really freaking me out. I didn't want to leave here with a permanent disease.
I will finish later.
peace.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
New Comp
OK, it's the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I still don't have a job. I have been offered a couple of jobs. Of the two jobs I have officially been offered, I would be taking a large cut in pay and major deduction in benefits. I really need health insurance and I would have to find my own with either job. With my situation, that would be really tough. The bottom line is the most important thing in this job search is health insurance. I won't be able to get any without being part of a group. I would have to start paying full price for everything ie; Dr. visits, prescriptions, and I would be screwed if it ever came to getting surgery on my neck.
The first offer was from STF Electric Services, they wanted a drug test. I was actually going to go take it. Who cares right? I called them to see if we could work something out with the health insurance situation. They wouldn't budge. Their offer was straight $23.00 per hour and that is it. No vacation pay, no holiday pay, no sick days. Literally no benefits at all. I just think I can do better. The one appealing thing STF offered was that I would be working on the Day Break Temple. That could be real cool. I would love to see a Temple go up, and hang all those fixtures and just see how they do all the neat things they do in those amazing buildings. Then I could remodel my house to look just like a Temple because I would know all the tricks.
The other job that I am still considering is Mr. Sparky. It is a Service and Repair company. Almost exactly like Captain Shitball where I used to work. The owner was definately planning on me to run a truck full time. That was fine, but the pay was too low. I kind of made it known that the pay wasn't going to cut it. Steve, the owner was very persistent, he kept calling me and his thing was to say "Hey, I am not a written book. We are writing the chapters as we go. Let's figure a starting number we can both live with and get going". I would start to think maybe then he would always say "the wage we pick is just a temporary training wage anyways. I am a firm believer in New Comp. It puts the burden on the tech, well not really burden, it gives the tech more of the ability to make as much as they want". Bull shit, it does put all the burden on the tech and takes all the risk off the owner. The tech get's paid like $12.oo per hour or less and they get paid by how much money they bring in. It's tough, you really can make good money. The Mr. Sparky guys in Atlanta, and Florida where it started are making unreal amounts of money, well some of the techs. Problem is you don't even start making New Comp unless you average over $1200.00 per day. I told Steve first of all "you are only in Utah County right now. I know that Ut. county cannot support New Comp. I know we tried at the Captain. and we never could make it work" He said "Ok, lets get in the Yellow Pages in SLC." Once again my response wasn't what he wanted to hear. I said "I'm sorry Steve but the Yellow Pages leads are terrible. There is know way I will go on New Comp and risk my family life on Ut. Co. and Yellow Page leads. We tried for a long time at Captain to make it work, and we were state wide. I was prospecting leads from Ogden to St. George and we still had to create a hybrid type of New Comp for our guys. They were all still making $24.00 per hour + New Comp. Only one guy ever even got any New Comp compensation." And "all of our health ins. was paid, 2 weeks paid vacation and all the major holidays paid. I don't really care about all of that, just the pay, the ins. and that is it." Steve said, "Well Mr. Sparky has a little different type of New Comp". "OK Steve, let me think about it and I will get back to you, soon. Thanks a lot" He was like "Sam, remember I am not a written book, we really want you. Come work with us. We are going to do special things. If you are going to some other job interviews forget it and just come to work. I know we can make New Comp work". He sounded a lot like Joe when I first hired on at the Captain, only worse about the New Comp. It won't work here in Utah. Not enough people will pay these crazy prices. To much risk is on the tech, all the risk is on the Tech, it's bull shit. I still don't know what to do. I just can't decide what to do.
I have been having entrepenureal (sp?) feelings since all these interviews and offers. I have relationships all over the state. Why can't I do this myself. If I am going to make someone $1500.00 a day, why not do it for myself. If I am going to work my ass off, I might as well do it for myself. Is that the right way to think? Can I do it with all that I have learned over the years? Am I too screwed up? Is it possible to go from 0 to successful contractor? I would only do service and repair, no house roping or anything big. I have met one General Contractor who is really pushing me to go into business for myself. He is in with a lot of home owners in Midway and says he can get me $4K to 6K per month in jobs like that. He has already gotten me a couple up there, and so far they have been good jobs. I am using Captain Elec price book and they have been willing to pay their prices. It is just hard. I would have to make my own Price Book, my own invoices, my own everything to look professional. The big thing is I would have to take the time to get properly licensed. That would really cut into my income right now, which is very paltry and it's Christmas time.
Well I am not sure what to do. I am just trying to stay busy and keep working hard to support my family. I think my daughters kind of think I am a loser. Just a hunch, because of all I have been though during their lives and now I am unemployed and can't find a good job. I know they wish their Dad was successful and could get a job easy. I think they are scared. I haven't talked too much to anyone about starting my own business. I am scared everyone will cringe or laugh and be like, come on pull your head out of your ass dumbshit. You can't do that. Maybe not. Got to go
Peace.
The first offer was from STF Electric Services, they wanted a drug test. I was actually going to go take it. Who cares right? I called them to see if we could work something out with the health insurance situation. They wouldn't budge. Their offer was straight $23.00 per hour and that is it. No vacation pay, no holiday pay, no sick days. Literally no benefits at all. I just think I can do better. The one appealing thing STF offered was that I would be working on the Day Break Temple. That could be real cool. I would love to see a Temple go up, and hang all those fixtures and just see how they do all the neat things they do in those amazing buildings. Then I could remodel my house to look just like a Temple because I would know all the tricks.
The other job that I am still considering is Mr. Sparky. It is a Service and Repair company. Almost exactly like Captain Shitball where I used to work. The owner was definately planning on me to run a truck full time. That was fine, but the pay was too low. I kind of made it known that the pay wasn't going to cut it. Steve, the owner was very persistent, he kept calling me and his thing was to say "Hey, I am not a written book. We are writing the chapters as we go. Let's figure a starting number we can both live with and get going". I would start to think maybe then he would always say "the wage we pick is just a temporary training wage anyways. I am a firm believer in New Comp. It puts the burden on the tech, well not really burden, it gives the tech more of the ability to make as much as they want". Bull shit, it does put all the burden on the tech and takes all the risk off the owner. The tech get's paid like $12.oo per hour or less and they get paid by how much money they bring in. It's tough, you really can make good money. The Mr. Sparky guys in Atlanta, and Florida where it started are making unreal amounts of money, well some of the techs. Problem is you don't even start making New Comp unless you average over $1200.00 per day. I told Steve first of all "you are only in Utah County right now. I know that Ut. county cannot support New Comp. I know we tried at the Captain. and we never could make it work" He said "Ok, lets get in the Yellow Pages in SLC." Once again my response wasn't what he wanted to hear. I said "I'm sorry Steve but the Yellow Pages leads are terrible. There is know way I will go on New Comp and risk my family life on Ut. Co. and Yellow Page leads. We tried for a long time at Captain to make it work, and we were state wide. I was prospecting leads from Ogden to St. George and we still had to create a hybrid type of New Comp for our guys. They were all still making $24.00 per hour + New Comp. Only one guy ever even got any New Comp compensation." And "all of our health ins. was paid, 2 weeks paid vacation and all the major holidays paid. I don't really care about all of that, just the pay, the ins. and that is it." Steve said, "Well Mr. Sparky has a little different type of New Comp". "OK Steve, let me think about it and I will get back to you, soon. Thanks a lot" He was like "Sam, remember I am not a written book, we really want you. Come work with us. We are going to do special things. If you are going to some other job interviews forget it and just come to work. I know we can make New Comp work". He sounded a lot like Joe when I first hired on at the Captain, only worse about the New Comp. It won't work here in Utah. Not enough people will pay these crazy prices. To much risk is on the tech, all the risk is on the Tech, it's bull shit. I still don't know what to do. I just can't decide what to do.
I have been having entrepenureal (sp?) feelings since all these interviews and offers. I have relationships all over the state. Why can't I do this myself. If I am going to make someone $1500.00 a day, why not do it for myself. If I am going to work my ass off, I might as well do it for myself. Is that the right way to think? Can I do it with all that I have learned over the years? Am I too screwed up? Is it possible to go from 0 to successful contractor? I would only do service and repair, no house roping or anything big. I have met one General Contractor who is really pushing me to go into business for myself. He is in with a lot of home owners in Midway and says he can get me $4K to 6K per month in jobs like that. He has already gotten me a couple up there, and so far they have been good jobs. I am using Captain Elec price book and they have been willing to pay their prices. It is just hard. I would have to make my own Price Book, my own invoices, my own everything to look professional. The big thing is I would have to take the time to get properly licensed. That would really cut into my income right now, which is very paltry and it's Christmas time.
Well I am not sure what to do. I am just trying to stay busy and keep working hard to support my family. I think my daughters kind of think I am a loser. Just a hunch, because of all I have been though during their lives and now I am unemployed and can't find a good job. I know they wish their Dad was successful and could get a job easy. I think they are scared. I haven't talked too much to anyone about starting my own business. I am scared everyone will cringe or laugh and be like, come on pull your head out of your ass dumbshit. You can't do that. Maybe not. Got to go
Peace.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sundays
I love Sundays. For one day the pressure is off. I think everyone feels like that for the most part. Maybe with the exception of students who have put their homework off, and those who have jobs. You know how you kind of get that wierd feeling on Sunday night, the whole thing is starting over in the morning. The whole grind of the week. The mondane (sp?) work week, for most people is starts Sunday evening. Atleast it did for me when I was working. Now I kind of have mixed emotions, part hope and part hopelessness. This week something will happen for sure, I am smart. Surely someone will hire me and everything will be okay. You always hear of others people who lose their jobs and how tough it is, you talk to them a while later and they have this great job and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. We are those kind of people, I come from that kind of family. A "Best thing ever Family". In fact I grew up in a "Best thing ever area", in a "Best thing ever Church. Surely things will work out. Problem is, I have always been different. When I was young I was being groomed to be successful, I felt it, I knew it, and I took it for granted. I was the most confident teenager in the world. I was bulletproof. On the other hand I am used to sabotage. I ruin things for myself. A lot of it is drug induced but it is real. It's like I hope things will work out great for me, but in my heart of hearts I know it won't. It just doesn't happen for me. I just had my dream job, my chance of a lifetime, and I screwed it up. The jobs that I really want are the type of jobs that are going to have much more qualified applicants applying. I just feel that, why the hell would they hire me. I am really just a freaking electrician. I have to try to quit thinking that way and have some confidence but atleast I always have my Journeyman license to fall back on. That is what my Mother and Father-in-Law keep saying to me. Translation:Why the hell aren't you working as an electrician supporting our daughter you lazy dumbass? We don't care what you WANT to do, we care what you can do.
I understand their point of view, I would probably feel the same way if it was my daughter. My In-laws are kind of old school. They think an electrician is a great way to make a living. These days it just doesn't cut it. Before we had teenagers maybe we could make it, but now there is not a chance. I would have to work and then do side jobs all night long to make it and it would still be tough at that.
Church has even gotten tough for me. Elder's Chorum is just plain torture for me. I just can't bring myself to go. I literally get physically ill just thinking about it. Hard to believe this is coming from the same person who once spoke in Sacrament Meeting on 2 minutes notice from his Father. It's true. I was 17 or 18, I arrived at Sacrament Meeting right before it started. My dad was in the Bishopric, he hurried down and met me before I could sit down and whispered, "sorry, I forgot to tell you that you are speaking today in Sacrament Meeting" I was like, "really, how much time do I need to take up". I was a little nervous, but I actually liked it. I made the audience laugh, and had no problems at all. I think I said some stuff about my Mother's old high school that made her mad, but she was so proud. It was easy, I had so much confidence. I could have done that any time. I gave lessons in front of the bishop off the top of my head, I could talk to anyone, I could do anything. Life was easy. Maybe too easy.
Somewhere along the line it got hard. I don't mean life, that's obvious, I mean church stuff. I can't do it anymore. It's like the older you get the more complicated it get's. I think that being surrounded by returned missionaries intimidates me. I know I missed out on some awesome growth there. Both spiritually as well as mental toughness, but I have been through some tough stuff in my life. Trust me. I am scared to give a prayed in Sacrament Meeting now, forget about giving a talk. I am even scared to have a conversation with some of the men in out ward. That is why I hate to go to church. I don't like the guys who try to act nice to you. I'm not stupid. Now if it get's around that I am unemployed, which it has, it will be unbearable. I have a testimony, I have felt the spirit. It feels like love. Plain and simple. I have felt it. I try to keep it simple when it comes to religion. Treat people well and help people when you can. Go out of your way to help people. I try to be generous and I did several jobs for free when I was working as an electrician for Captain Elec. when clients couldn't pay and were under terrible circumstances. I always did freebies for older people, I did a lot of stuff the really made the management of Capt. Elc. mad. I always did it on my own time, but they wanted the job. I really do try. I just try to keep it simple because it so easy to get overwhelmed. Every Sunday it get's so complicated, there is so much to it. Why can't be simple, just love everyone. especially your family, help others, do the right thing. Instead it's all these smart guys showing how smart they are. It works, I think they are smart and they intimidate me. They intimidate me much more than being the new guy at a rehab or stressing about not being able to get my drugs and knowing I am going to be sick as hell, with the smart guys we are talking about eternity. We are talking about my family. I promise you, without my family I would be diad today. Sure as I am writing this right now, I would be dead.
Peace
I understand their point of view, I would probably feel the same way if it was my daughter. My In-laws are kind of old school. They think an electrician is a great way to make a living. These days it just doesn't cut it. Before we had teenagers maybe we could make it, but now there is not a chance. I would have to work and then do side jobs all night long to make it and it would still be tough at that.
Church has even gotten tough for me. Elder's Chorum is just plain torture for me. I just can't bring myself to go. I literally get physically ill just thinking about it. Hard to believe this is coming from the same person who once spoke in Sacrament Meeting on 2 minutes notice from his Father. It's true. I was 17 or 18, I arrived at Sacrament Meeting right before it started. My dad was in the Bishopric, he hurried down and met me before I could sit down and whispered, "sorry, I forgot to tell you that you are speaking today in Sacrament Meeting" I was like, "really, how much time do I need to take up". I was a little nervous, but I actually liked it. I made the audience laugh, and had no problems at all. I think I said some stuff about my Mother's old high school that made her mad, but she was so proud. It was easy, I had so much confidence. I could have done that any time. I gave lessons in front of the bishop off the top of my head, I could talk to anyone, I could do anything. Life was easy. Maybe too easy.
Somewhere along the line it got hard. I don't mean life, that's obvious, I mean church stuff. I can't do it anymore. It's like the older you get the more complicated it get's. I think that being surrounded by returned missionaries intimidates me. I know I missed out on some awesome growth there. Both spiritually as well as mental toughness, but I have been through some tough stuff in my life. Trust me. I am scared to give a prayed in Sacrament Meeting now, forget about giving a talk. I am even scared to have a conversation with some of the men in out ward. That is why I hate to go to church. I don't like the guys who try to act nice to you. I'm not stupid. Now if it get's around that I am unemployed, which it has, it will be unbearable. I have a testimony, I have felt the spirit. It feels like love. Plain and simple. I have felt it. I try to keep it simple when it comes to religion. Treat people well and help people when you can. Go out of your way to help people. I try to be generous and I did several jobs for free when I was working as an electrician for Captain Elec. when clients couldn't pay and were under terrible circumstances. I always did freebies for older people, I did a lot of stuff the really made the management of Capt. Elc. mad. I always did it on my own time, but they wanted the job. I really do try. I just try to keep it simple because it so easy to get overwhelmed. Every Sunday it get's so complicated, there is so much to it. Why can't be simple, just love everyone. especially your family, help others, do the right thing. Instead it's all these smart guys showing how smart they are. It works, I think they are smart and they intimidate me. They intimidate me much more than being the new guy at a rehab or stressing about not being able to get my drugs and knowing I am going to be sick as hell, with the smart guys we are talking about eternity. We are talking about my family. I promise you, without my family I would be diad today. Sure as I am writing this right now, I would be dead.
Peace
Friday, November 2, 2007
Uncle Rico
My wife and Daughters love to call me uncle Rico. They think it is so funny. I really don't talk about my high school days that much, but I will admit, I loved my time in high school. I was a screw up for sure in high school. I didn't live up to my potential in any way, in sports or academically. I think I had the wrong impression of what I was there for. I was into having fun and that is what I did, I had a lot of fun. I got away with a lot and I think that set me up for a tough life. I shouldn't of graduated, but some of the teacher's loved me enough to give me some credits the last week of school to allow me to graduate. It was that close.
In my senior English class the teacher was a man who fancied himself hip and cool. I never knew why but he never tested me or had any sort of confrontation with me. We were friends from the first day. Every Friday in his class we took a spelling and vocabulary test. 15 words that we were to have studied during the week. Every Friday I went to the front of the room and gave the test and read the definitions while the students corrected each others papers. I got 100% on every test, I still barely passed the class. I thought he was so cool. I thought he just liked me. I have thought about that over the years, a lot. He was prepared for me. He had heard about some of my run-ins with other teachers and he just figured he would control me. He did. He knew I would bomb the class even with all the advantages he gave me. I was only in class about half of the time, he probably made fun of me to the other students when I wasn't there. I am only now realizing how stupid I really was.
Like in health class when the teacher announced, "Next time a police officer will be speaking to us about illegal drugs and bringing some samples from busts in to show us. Please be on your best behavior". I was sure to come in stoned out of my mind and just stinking bad of pot. I don't know why I did that, I thought it was cool. It wasnt, it was stupid, I could have gotten arrested. The cop was an undercover officer and he knew I was high. He even used me as an example. I didn't care. I just figured I would graduate, go to college, and get a good job. Actually, I thought I would be playing college or even pro ball. Not like that, but I didn't realize that. Everything was easy. Life was easy.
One time I was talking to another student at my school who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I always think about something he said to me. He said "You are so lucky, it's like everything you touch turns to gold". I didn't really know what he meant. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I look at people and think, "man, they really have it together, I wish I had their life". However, I am sure they have their problems. Just like I had mine when that classmate said that to me. I am not sure why I have always remembered that, it just stuck with me. Not really as a compliment, I think about it more like that kid had no idea what my life is about. Even in high school when everything was easy, I still had worries. Mostly about passing my classes and graduating. I know I could have done a lot better I guess I was just too lazy and now I am paying the price. I am an electrician instead of a Lawyer. I took that gold and turned it into shit. I know people can be happy as electricians and plumbers it's all about what expectations you have for yourself. I never thought of myself as a guy who would work with his hands. I know I wasn't born to be an electrician, I am not really talented at it. I think I was just smart enough to be able to learn it. Some guys in the trade are passionate about it, they love being electricians. I don't, I do it to pay the bills. I thought I would be something better, make more money, hire electricians and guys like that. I didn't realize until it was too late that you had to work for it. Some people learn early on. I think those are the people that are successful. They start out with a purpose. If it is sports they want to do, they focus and get the most out of their talent. They get good grades in high school so that a college will want them. Nothing is easy. I looked around and saw all these people I knew getting all these things and accomplishing all these things and I think I thought it just happened for them. I didn't think about the fact that they worked really hard for something and made it happen. Good things don't just happen to people, people usually make good things happen for themselves. By the time I realized that I was already on the wrong track and it's hard to get off it. Now I have a giant struggle just to get on the right track let alone making a success of myself. Sounds kind of daunting, maybe I should just continue to be Uncle Rico, just kidding.
Peace
In my senior English class the teacher was a man who fancied himself hip and cool. I never knew why but he never tested me or had any sort of confrontation with me. We were friends from the first day. Every Friday in his class we took a spelling and vocabulary test. 15 words that we were to have studied during the week. Every Friday I went to the front of the room and gave the test and read the definitions while the students corrected each others papers. I got 100% on every test, I still barely passed the class. I thought he was so cool. I thought he just liked me. I have thought about that over the years, a lot. He was prepared for me. He had heard about some of my run-ins with other teachers and he just figured he would control me. He did. He knew I would bomb the class even with all the advantages he gave me. I was only in class about half of the time, he probably made fun of me to the other students when I wasn't there. I am only now realizing how stupid I really was.
Like in health class when the teacher announced, "Next time a police officer will be speaking to us about illegal drugs and bringing some samples from busts in to show us. Please be on your best behavior". I was sure to come in stoned out of my mind and just stinking bad of pot. I don't know why I did that, I thought it was cool. It wasnt, it was stupid, I could have gotten arrested. The cop was an undercover officer and he knew I was high. He even used me as an example. I didn't care. I just figured I would graduate, go to college, and get a good job. Actually, I thought I would be playing college or even pro ball. Not like that, but I didn't realize that. Everything was easy. Life was easy.
One time I was talking to another student at my school who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I always think about something he said to me. He said "You are so lucky, it's like everything you touch turns to gold". I didn't really know what he meant. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I look at people and think, "man, they really have it together, I wish I had their life". However, I am sure they have their problems. Just like I had mine when that classmate said that to me. I am not sure why I have always remembered that, it just stuck with me. Not really as a compliment, I think about it more like that kid had no idea what my life is about. Even in high school when everything was easy, I still had worries. Mostly about passing my classes and graduating. I know I could have done a lot better I guess I was just too lazy and now I am paying the price. I am an electrician instead of a Lawyer. I took that gold and turned it into shit. I know people can be happy as electricians and plumbers it's all about what expectations you have for yourself. I never thought of myself as a guy who would work with his hands. I know I wasn't born to be an electrician, I am not really talented at it. I think I was just smart enough to be able to learn it. Some guys in the trade are passionate about it, they love being electricians. I don't, I do it to pay the bills. I thought I would be something better, make more money, hire electricians and guys like that. I didn't realize until it was too late that you had to work for it. Some people learn early on. I think those are the people that are successful. They start out with a purpose. If it is sports they want to do, they focus and get the most out of their talent. They get good grades in high school so that a college will want them. Nothing is easy. I looked around and saw all these people I knew getting all these things and accomplishing all these things and I think I thought it just happened for them. I didn't think about the fact that they worked really hard for something and made it happen. Good things don't just happen to people, people usually make good things happen for themselves. By the time I realized that I was already on the wrong track and it's hard to get off it. Now I have a giant struggle just to get on the right track let alone making a success of myself. Sounds kind of daunting, maybe I should just continue to be Uncle Rico, just kidding.
Peace
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